I hate rain.
The moment I step in the door at work today, my boss asks me to go run 10,000 errands for him in obscure locations all over the city. My first stop is the bank. Although I am in there at least twice a day, five days a week, I am still asked if I am certified to cash a check for my boss. Then, I have to go pick up some glass for a picture frame!? Why. Then, off to deliver the rent check to the sketchy landlord Mario. I also had to make a stop at that ghastly store Shanghai Tang to pick up a tee shirt with an applique of an asian man doing Tai Chi for my boss. Next stop the Bread Factory Cafe where I am asked to pick up the disgusting combination of tuna, egg, and ham on a roll for the boss. On the last leg of my journey, looking like a drentched street urchin, I pass *insert restaurant I cannot afford* and see my least favorite D list celeb Jamie Gleicher from MTV's Rich Girls, eating lunch with that creepy mom of hers. Oh what a life I lead.
posted by Alexandra at 6:16 PM
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Have you ever gotten to spend any time with a pilot? Recently Wynn's brother came to stay with us, an he gave us insight to the life of one........
Philip, who's nickname is "middle lane Phil" for his easy going nature, is a pilot. He rolled into last week town sporting a hot pink lacoste (collar up of course), and some Top Gun sunglasses. Upon entering the aparment he gives us both High Fives, but not before his put down his can of Tab. It is then that I begin to understand what's going on. Pilots are all stuck in 1984.
After getting situated, we send happy go lucky Phil to the grocery store to pick up some dinner items. He returns with everything on the list, plus a few treats for himself. All of these were items I thought had been off the market since the Ragen Administration. Five Alive, a pack of Famous Amos cookies, and an Economy sized bag of Big League Chew. He came home complaining "Why can't I ever find Bonkers anymore?"
After drinking a 12 pack of BL and dowloading the entire works of Tears for Fears and Huey Lewis and the News on our computer, Phil passed out.
Over a nice breakfast of Frankenberry cereal, Phil told us his plans to dress as a California Raisin next Halloween.

Middle Lane Phil
posted by Alexandra at 1:47 AM
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I decided to weigh Charlie the cat this weekend, and let me tell you that he is one seriously obese creature for not even having been alive for a year. Tell me, is it healthy for a six month old cat to wigh 12 lbs?!
posted by Alexandra at 1:00 AM
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I'm really sorry to have been slacking on my blog. It's been too hot and I've been really uninspired since I've done nothing but sit in my apartment trying to stay cool. But here is a doozy for you.

Tonight Wynn, a couple of friends and I went to Carson Daly's laye night show. Pretty cheesy, I know but it gets better. We went not knowing who was going to be on the show, and upon arrival realized we were in for a treat. LYNYRD SKYNRD was the musical guest! Even better, we sat next to possibly their oldest groupies, a pair of women in their late 50's sporting faded concert tees and husbands with mullets. When Carson came on pre-show and asked how everyone was doing, these women stood up and yelled "Skynrd", apparently Carson was of no interest to them. After the half hour long show, they played a private mini concert, and we were about 6 feet away from them. Not a bad night....
posted by Alexandra at 12:57 AM
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[ Tue Jul 01, 11:41:50 AM | Alexandra Williams | edit ]
There is a street in the West Village called "Gay Street". Only in New York.
posted by Alexandra at 12:46 AM
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There is a street in the West Village called "Gay Street". Only in New York.
posted by Alexandra at 11:41 AM
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Just got back from a great 5 days on Long Island. I'm used to summers on the beach, and my white city skin was not prepared for the sun. Wynn and I got horrible sunburns, because we refused to wear sunscreen. Luckily they turned to fabulous tans in a matter of days. We hit up the old bar scene with all my single friends, and I managed to run into everyone I have ever dated in my whole life, including my High School boyfriend who was eager to show Wynn and I pics of his daughter. Gee, that all could've been mine.......
The cats were glad to have a vacation as well. Infact, Oliver decided to stay out there. Moments before departure, the other cat Charlie helped him escape from his cat bag and he jetted off under the porch - a playground of dead spiders and dust balls. Hope he's enjoying it, cause the rest of us are back in the sweltering city positioned in front of the fan, armed with spray bottles of ice water trying to keep cool.
posted by Alexandra at 11:40 AM
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Weird/Funny/Annoying Stuff That Happened On The Subway Today at Rush Hour.

1.) I accidently got the bottom of my umbrella caught on some lady's skirt and I exposed her whole ass while trying to get off the train. The even funnier part was that she was holding a license plate that read Fun4One.
2.) A woman was breast feeding what looked like a 2 year old and all the while taking up two seats with all of this child's shit. When someone asked if they could sit down she actually replied "No, can't you see I have a lot of stuff?" Hello! Take a fucking cab, and that way people will be able to sit down and not have to stare at your nipples.
3.) I sat down on someone's hand by accident. Fun for them, not so fun for me.
4.) I saw my third grade teacher on route to "The Lion King". And of course, she was wearing a fanny pack.....
posted by Alexandra at 6:28 PM
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My Top Ten Pet Peeves

1.) June Bugs - they click against your walls when you are trying to sleep, and should be banished from the earth forever.
2.) Fanny Packs - are purses really that much of a hassle that you have to wear this hideous bulge strapped to you? The reason that you're stuff is so safe there is because people are too busy laughing at you to bother stealing it.
3.) Mimes. If they could talk, imagine all the creepy stuff they'd have to say.
4.) Carrot Top. GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY.
5.) Chains around license plates. Neon Light plate holders follow in a close second.
6.) Being told what to do. I've called ther shots since age 19, it's hard to take orders.
7.) Fruit with lots of seeds (ie, oranges and watermelon). How can you enjoy something if you know that you could chomp down on a hard little seed at any moment?
8.) Being harassed on the street in a language I can't understand. Gee, maybe if she can't understand me, she won't know what a sexist loser I am!
9.) Renee Zelwegger
10.) Being asked to do something and not coming up with an excuse quick enough and actually having to do it.
posted by Alexandra at 7:50 PM
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I just found out that my mom reads my blog. I haven't felt this guilty since she discovered a pack of smokes in my room at age 16. I guess the excuse "They're not mine" won't work in this situation.
posted by Alexandra at 1:29 PM
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Wynn, Thayer and I decided to go to Coney Island the other day. For those of you who have never been to Coney Island, it is quite the cultural playground. The Cyclone is just about the scariest roller coaster I have ever gone on. It's not scary because it goes upside down, or has crazy drops. It's scary because it looks as if it hasn't been renovated since the opening of Coney Island in the late 1800's(and probably hasn't). Never trust a roller coaster made entirely of wood, especially after eating a couple of hot dogs.
posted by Alexandra at 11:41 AM
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I am so bothered by Renee Zellweger. She looks like she just sucked on like 1,000 lemons and sometimes I just want to knock her out. That's all.
posted by Alexandra at 7:54 PM
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Bizarre celeb sighting of the week:

Al Sharpton. Top that.
posted by Alexandra at 7:19 PM
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I find adults obsessed with cartoon characters to be very disturbing. My neighborhood was filled with these socially misguided people today. Forty year old men sporting Tazmanian Devil tee shirts. Grown women driving cars covered in Betty Boop decals. And the most horrible of all, a couple wearing matching tweety bird tee's. Get a life people.
posted by Alexandra at 7:19 PM
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Ok fellow New Yorkers, what is the deal with Mayor Bloomberg's crush J-lo? Is it really front cover worthy? Apparently it's a big publicity stunt to boost his popularity (yeah good luck pal). Picturing the Mayor getting freaky with J-lo makes me almost as sick as his horrible politics and Napolean complex.
posted by Alexandra at 6:47 PM
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Note to self:

Never ever think that it is a good idea to wear a tube top to the laundrymat. It was pretty embarassing when my boob popped out for all the world to see as I wrestled with my giant bag of dirty cloths.
posted by Alexandra at 10:32 AM
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